Happy May Day!

Since it is a certain boy’s 8th birthday today, we took the day off school and had big plans to make flower arrangements for all our new neighbors.  Usually if I by chance have a great idea, I don’t always actually implement it.  Today was one of those rare and lovely exceptions.  It was the fourth year I have so wanted to do this and the first year we actually have.  Having just moved out here and having a street full of new people to get to know, it seemed like the perfect chance to make their day a little brighter and basically say “yes, we’re the new people at the end of the road with the houseful of kids and animals….come on by and say hello!”

They each picked out one color bouquet then we brought them home and got to work.

Everyone shared the ONLY pair of scissors we could find when I know we must own at least ten pairs.

We decided small canning jars would be the best way to deliver flowers, even if we don’t get them back!

Audrey really got into it – really though, everyone did!

We printed out a copy of the poem we are memorizing for grammar right now, it was too perfect for a May Day bouquet!

Each one was a little different and all the kids took turns signing their names on the back under Rylee’s writing “Happy May Day!”.

Kyler did the first delivery, happy to ring door bell and run after carefully placing the flowers on the doormat.

Audrey was on don’t-let-them-spill duty in the wagon – she did great.  It was a delightful way to spend the morning together!

Life, liberty and the pursuit

I told my grandpa on the phone this morning that indeed this home learning journey had its challenges.  It does.  But I also told him in complete sincerity that it was so worth it.  And that I truly learn something new almost every day.  Truth be told sometimes I’m more excited about it than they are.

Especially today.  We have wrapped up our world history for the year since we were at a good holding point until the new school year.  So we are immersed in our early American history until summer break.  For me, learning all over again about the foundations of this nation we call home is deeply meaningful.  Our heritage is rich and our founders were bold pioneers who fought and sacrificed so much for the freedom we now enjoy (and often take for granted).

I could not sit today and read on the couch like we usually do (much of our learning comes from living books that I read aloud to the kids).  I stood and waved my hands around and read with fervor as Benjamin Franklin traveled to and fro from England trying to be a peacemaker with the British.  I exclaimed “And the Declaration of Independence was signed on July FOURTH in 1776!!!  What day is that!”  They erupted “It’s Independence Day!”  To which I replied “And what do we celebrate on that day?”

They yelled now, trying to counter my extreme excitement “FREEDOM!”

Yes.  Freedom.

As the decades pass by and we get further from those roots and beliefs than this nation was founded on, some freedoms have become scarce for certain people who believe certain things.  I count us incredibly blessed to enjoy the freedom to teach our children at home and do not take that for granted even on my worst days.  But even now there are many who are working to remove that freedom from those of us who choose that road.

I digress however, that is another entire blog.  As I read to my children the first part of the Declaration of Independence this morning:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness…

 

I could not help but explain to my oldest daughter and son that though our nation was founded on these and other principles, they did not always exist here.  In the years that followed the American Revolution, slavery took off and those men and women were NOT treated with equality and they did not live in liberty but instead in bondage.

What was hardest to explain however was that we live in a nation now where the life of the not-yet-born child is no longer protected.  Millions of babies every year are denied their unalienable right to Life – this fact is impossible to make sense of or explain.  Rylee asked tenderly, “Do those babies go to heaven?”.  Of course they do.  “Well there must be a LOT of babies there then!”.  Yes, indeed there must be.  We then talked about China and other countries that don’t share in the system of values that this country was founded on.  Rylee stated plainly “In places like China and India, the life of a girl baby has less value than a boy.  So they can choose to let it die and try again for a boy.”  It totally caught me off guard but she is totally right.

The privilege of getting to share in this dialogue with my children weighs so heavy on days like today.   I would not trade it for anything.

Why mess is worth it

Ten months ago following the oh-so-sudden and tragic loss of Chris’ dad the year before, his mom moved across the country to live with his sister.  The reasons were many and they were good.  But no amount of good reasons made it easy, for her or us.

That’s the thing about change.  It hurts.  Even when you understand it and know it has to be that way.  Life has kept her there and us here over almost a year now.  And when she’d been a brief drive away for our entire marriage, that feels like an eternity some days.

Add into the mix our five kids, us moving, her getting sick and so on and so on…..it’s been hard to get a moment on the phone to catch up.  Phone time for me is scarce.  The time change is one more dynamic.  I actually set my alarm to get up an hour early today so I could call her and my grandpa back east before the kids were up.  But one quick snooze button later and I was snoring away until a little voice beckoned me for breakfast.

Usually I keep my crew of learners reigned in until they’ve completed at least some of their school work.  But I felt this burning need to have a conversation with the mother of my husband more than my duty as teacher.  So I grabbed my coffee, went somewhere quiet and talked.  To say it was what both our hearts needed is an understatement.

All that transpired elsewhere in the house and yard during that half hour seemed a pitifully small price to pay for time well spent.  Her voice was lighter when we said goodbye.

I tallied up the damage and all told, I still say it was worth it.  Sometimes that’s the nature of life and learning and love and little people…..

A huge bowl of dog food AND dog water all dumped and mixed onto the kitchen floor by a crafty one-year-old.

A little girl outside in footie jammies without boots leaving permanently mud colored feet.

A pile of puppy poo on my favorite rug.

A baby toy gnawed to bits by same puppy.

A bathroom door left open and a little boy who just can’t help but throw toys into the toilet.

The remains of my mug of coffee poured out onto white carpet AND into a box of puzzle pieces.

A box of dumped out and unattended toys.

Jelly remnants on the counter from self-serve breakfast goers.

Yes, all that.  And yes, still so totally worth it.

1 day….2 mamas…11 children

She made me mix tapes when we were twelve years old.  When I had a boyfriend I was sure I would love forever, the songs on the tapes were along the lines of Paula Abdul’s Forever Your Girl.  She dubbed her voice in between the songs and chatted away about life as a junior higher.  If I was feeling down, she gave me all the reasons why life wasn’t all that bad.

Fast forward more than half my lifetime and she’s still here.  No more mix tapes these days but plenty of love shared and every day together is a memory made that we won’t forget.  Its $30+ in gas to get to each other these days.  Its packed cars and occasional bickering along the way.  Its extra laundry and extra laughter and loads of extra fun.  Its eleven children that span 10 years when we gather our two clans.

There is something sacred about sharing this journey of saying yes to life with someone else.  It isn’t exactly status quo and it sure is a gift understanding and being understood along the way.

There is always a set of babies
(note the jellybean drool Finn is sharing with baby Henry)
And there is always someone to battle with…
And with boys outnumbering girls 9 to 2, it should be no surprise that I found this as we were saying goodbye…

All in a face

 

It had been a dismal sort of day.  The kind where your eyes are puffy and your heart is broken and you wonder just how you’ll ever make it through.  The kind where the needs of one child completely eclipse the balance of the entire family and all the other kids cluster in a room and keep themselves busy and happy because they sense the toll that’s being taken.  The kind where I find myself repeating words in my mind that have been spoken to me in haste by strangers in years past.  Words that hold no truth and should hold no power but somehow they do on this day.

Why is it that in these weak and fragile moments I can’t always find the right thing to cling to?  Why do I forget?

I use every ounce of my being, every skill I have and still find myself at a total loss for how to proceed and how to help a child who can’t stand change make it through the trauma (and blessing) of moving.

In the midst of such a day I foolishly attempt to unload some random items on Craigslist.  Really, it was one thing too many.  But I either lacked the common sense to figure that out or underestimate just how the day will play out.

I arrange for someone to come get the free desk around noon and then spend the hour before noon trying (and failing) to calm a child who is getting bigger and stronger so quickly that I no longer can just sit and hold him when he’s lost it.  The doorbell rings and I wipe tears away so I can answer it.

I mumble and wonder if she sees my current state and tell her the desk is outside. Why I even stop to worry what the random stranger from Craigslist thinks of me I have no idea.  I forget her name and rummage around for shoes.  But her face and the kindness in her eyes force my heart to settle just a bit.  I look up again and notice wrinkle smile lines around her eyes and pale blue eyeliner that reminds me of junior high.

I don’t even offer to help her and her son carry it to their car.  I just walk back inside and figure out how to make lunch.  When the day is over I write her an email and tell the stranger “I just wanted to say that your face, your eyes, were really beautiful and joy-filled and had I been my normal chatty self I would have told you that.”  I went on to explain just briefly how my morning had gone.

Her response was as kind as her face had been, “ As I always say you never know what people are going through so never pull trigger too fast ….. Thank you again for the nice thought, you made my day..and Jesus Bless your day as well.”

I wonder what my face says about my heart.  If I had a mirror of every moment these past several weeks I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t love it.  But it is days like these with the simplest of gifts mixed into the mess of my life that remind me how much God is present absolutely everywhere around me.  Even if just in the face of a stranger.

 

Once upon a time…

This was the bedtime story I told to our children tonight  -

Once upon a time there was a mommy and a daddy and they had a beautiful little girl who was three years old and a handsome little boy who was almost one.  They worked at a church and they poured out their hearts and lives their serving Jesus.  They lived in a tiny condo on a very busy road, it wasn’t a great place to have small children.  But they didn’t make much money and they weren’t sure what to do about that so they prayed.  They asked God to make a way for them to be in a house in a neighborhood with room to play outside.

Trusting that He would provide somehow, they sold their little condo and had no home for a while.  They stored their belongings at their parents house and spent several weeks at one friends house and then several weeks at another friends house, waiting.  Then without even looking for a home yet, someone told them about one that wasn’t for sale yet but would be soon.  It was the perfect house for their family.

They moved in and praised God for answered prayer.  They relished having a backyard to play in and a cul-de-sac to ride bikes in and some really neat neighbors.  Pretty soon the mommy found out she was going to have another baby.  Just weeks before he was born the oldest girl had surgery to take her sick kidney out.  Their were lots of things that needing fixing on the house but the mommy and daddy didn’t have to money to do those things.  So a big group of people from church came over one day and fixed all the broken things and cleaned and worked all day.  The mommy cried as she left with the kids, watching the people hover and swarm all over her home knowing they were pouring out love in their actions that day.

Time passed and the oldest daughter, who now had two brothers, was praying daily for a sister.  She was not at all surprised when she learned her mommy was expecting another baby and confidently remarked, “it’s a sister for me!”.  The mommy labored all day at their home, watching her kids ride bikes up and down the street, enjoying the warm sunshine and that night just before midnight the daddy woke up the big sister to come to the birth center to see her sister be born.  The daddy thought he would have to deliver the baby on the side of the freeway, but he narrowly missed that adventure.

Shortly after that little girl joined their family, the daddy was asked to find a new job.  Do you know what that felt like for the mommy and daddy?  Really, really hard.  The church where they worked and served was home to them.  It had been for many years.  God whispered to them in their heartache and loss, “I am giving you a gift of freedom, one you don’t have the courage to ask for”.  This hardly seemed possible, it only seemed terrible.  But they stepped forward and God provided an amazing job that was a blessing in many, many ways.

The cozy home was beginning to feel crowded some days but the family was very thankful for how God had provided for them, his faithfulness had never failed.  The mommy did begin to pray almost two years ago that God would give them “a house that was bigger than their hearts”, a place they could pour out hospitality and friendship.  They LOVED to have people over and host parties and provide a place of fellowship.  But with their growing family it proved a challenge sometimes.

Last year do you know what happened? (by now they’ve caught on and they say “the mommy was pregnant again!!!).  Yes!  God gave them another baby and this baby was born at the house at the foot of the mommy and daddy’s bed with big brother and sisters there and Dee Dee and Nana too.  It was one of the most precious memories that mommy has from the seven years in that home.

In the middle of last year the mommy saw a house online that she bookmarked and wrote “our dream house”.  It seemed to truly be but she was sure it was an impossibility for many reasons.  Months passed and she continued to pray and as time passed they were finally ready to look at houses in real life.  If the mommy was honest, the yellow house she’d bookmarked months ago was the only one that she could actually picture herself living in.  When they did finally look, the minute they walked in the door of that yellow dream house, it felt like home to them.  They looked at the other places on their list but they didn’t really want to.

It took some time and lots of details had to be worked out.  The people selling the house (who now lived far away) had actually been praying for almost a year for a “young family with kids who love Jesus” to buy their home.  After what seemed like forever, the mommy and daddy got the keys to their new house and today they drove out there in the beautiful sunshine and marveled at the way God worked out the whole thing in just the right way and time.  The mommy cried as she watched her kids run across the lawn.

A new chapter and new adventures and new opportunities await – we can’t wait!

– Home Sweet Home -

One year ago today…

…I was getting pulled over on 405 by a police officer with all 4 kids in the car.  Seconds before I saw his lights I’d hung up the phone with my midwife.  I had barely gotten on the freeway and could not figure out why he was pulling me over.  He walked up to my window and I was unmistakably, enormously pregnant.  He asked me if I knew my tabs were expired.  Five months expired.  As soon as I opened my mouth I’m sure he regretted it – it went something like this, with no breaths for air:

Oh my goodness no!  In October, what?  I thought they mailed you that little postcard that told you to get new tabs.  That’s right, I remember someone telling me that they don’t mail it anymore, have to save money somewhere.  But I never looked at my plates so I didn’t notice.  Oh my.  The midwife just called me and I just hung up with her when you were pulling me over.  She’s going to come to my house in two hours, TWO HOURS, and I’m going to have a baby.  TODAY!  So I’m, you know, a little frazzled and excited and I wasn’t expecting it to be today and I’ve got to get home and is there any way I can renew my tabs after the baby comes?

I’m pretty sure that wasn’t all but you get the idea.  I was a mile-a-minute to the moon bursting with excitement and nervousness and could not care less about my tabs just had to go home to get my home birth box all set up and my kitchen clean and have a baby and all.  As soon as I let him talk he said, “Oh wow, yeah you have a lot going on.  You get yourself home safely and have yourself a baby.  Just renew those tabs as soon as you can.”  I smiled and said I would and headed home.

I made the calls and picked up the house.  My sister started a dinner that would feed the midwife and whoever else was at our house.  The whole story was that the weather was cold and it was supposed to snow.  I have a history of fast labors, barely made it to the birth center last time.  And I was very progressed and ready but not in active labor.  So she gave me the option of them breaking my water so that we would know for sure that the midwife would be present for the delivery.  My husband had read the pamphlet entitled “What to do if baby arrives before midwife” and he said he really didn’t want to utilize the info.  Who could blame him.

The midwife and her student went to get coffee after my water broke and pretty soon I called them back to say that things were moving right along.  About three hours later a plump and purple-ish baby boy was born in our bedroom – with Rylee behind me rubbing my back and my mom and sister standing next to me with Kyler and Audrey. His daddy helped catch him and told us all “It’s a boy!”.  He got some oxygen and perked up and all I could think was “there are rolls EVERYWHERE”.  He was so plump and round.  After snuggling and getting rubbed off, he weighed in and everyone gasped.  10 pounds 11 ounces.  I was instantly thankful that he’d been born that day and not one day later!

We all sat on my bed together and soaked it all in.  It was the experience I had dreamed of but it still seemed very surreal.  It was bedtime so my mom and dad helped get kids in bed and we settled in for the night. We marveled together as we watched him sleep and counted ourselves tremendously blessed.

One year later and we’re not sleeping much but we wouldn’t trade the sleep for anything.  Phineas is a perfectly wonderful addition to our family.  We joke that he’s like a movie star in his own home.  Every time he wakes up from a nap there is fanfare and greetings galore for his sleepy, smiley face.  His brothers love to crash trucks to make him laugh.  His sisters love to snuggle and play baby with him.  His daddy loves to hold him in just the right spot on his shoulder.  His mama kisses his face and head all over.  Every single day.

Yes, it’s loud.  Yes, there is chaos.  Yes, we’ve got hard days just like everyone does.

But oh my, the love…there is
so.
much.
love.

first time for everything – he didn’t make a fuss, just fell asleep in his high chair

first time climbing into a drawer

finding the apple box

he's got a penchant for emptying the recycle bin!